IBS Episode 3.5

Okay so I cheated. I posted Episode 4 without the filler Episode 3.5. Everyone fast-forwards through TV shows sometimes right… okay maybe not Korean TV shows.

Anyway in my non-Korean IBS drama I had a pretty terrible end to 2014 and beginning of 2015. It was like one of those seasons you wish would just end already because they’ve been dragging on for so long. How I lasted those couple of months without an incident is beyond me given all the work-related year end stress I was under, but I didn’t escape unscathed either.

My colleague went on vacation just before the year-end shutdown which is (now was) incidentally the busiest time of the year for me what with planning both a shutdown and an annual plan for the next year. On top of that I had to cover for his absence which at any other time would be okay, just not weeks away from a shutdown.  I juggled both roles well enough I dare say until I heard he had fallen sick during his holiday and would end up being hospitalised for a few weeks (read during the shutdown). At this point I would describe myself as having been a master circus clown juggling about 20 balls at once while riding a unicycle…blindfolded… through fire…on a tightrope. While I could cope mentally, the tummy wasn’t exactly the willing partner and so I ended up on a physical roller coaster which by the time I came to, after the post-shutdown review, had landed me in a really tight spot. My colleague might have been the one who’d fallen sick but I was the one who’d lost 5 kilos without even realising it… to be honest I was so busy with work to even pay attention to what I was going through.

5 kilos down meant it was time for the dreaded doctor’s appointment (but not after some meager attempt to rest and regain some weight… which failed miserably). My lack of success meant I didn’t go see the doctor I went to last time because it would be too humiliating so I went to see his gastroenterologist neighbour instead. I think I liked him best of all because he  wasn’t so full of advice delivered the wrong way. He suggested a food intolerance test to help me manage my diet which sounded promising and then he went and (nearly) ruined it all by suggesting a colonoscopy. Et tu, Rahul? Still being camera shy I turned down the offer and said I’d come back only if I didn’t get any better. To be very honest, I don’t have a concrete idea of what “better” is. One month, two months… 6 months incident free? Who’s to say what’s “better” really? I think now, what with the weight loss, I’m inclined more to think of it in terms of how long it will take to go back to my original weight. If I can’t manage it in X months, then I’ll agree to a colon photo shoot (I should give my bacteria time to repopulate). I’m still undecided on X though… (maybe by the time I decide I won’t have to worry about it anymore!)

So anyway, I did get back the food  intolerance test results which were not very enlightening unfortunately. Of course if they had told me this 10 years ago it would have saved a lot of tears that came through trial and error. The one interesting thing I did learn is that they test for intolerance to… horse. Possibly the effect of the horse meat scandal? The good news is I’m not intolerant to horse meat… The even better news is I’d never eat a horse anyway so this piece of news is entirely useless albeit being a great trivia question. Besides confirming that my tummy and milk are arch rivals I also learnt that I can have egg yolk while I shouldn’t eat egg white. I’m inclined to think this is a gross injustice of a typo. I only just reintroduced egg white into my diet and I’m doing just fine. The yolk is the villain I tell you… there must be some mistake… you have the wrong man/egg!

So the final verdict is no milk, egg, beans, peas, corn, wheat, pistachios, coke and agar agar. I’m pretty sure you could whip up an awesome meal with precisely those ingredients, dessert included. But I won’t be greedy… I will agree to reduce everything except the milk, peas and corn which I love and eggs which are too healthy to be unhealthy. I will instead periodically remove and reintroduce them into my diet (only because a complete retreat on a  battlefield would appear to be loss).

Intolerably Yours

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