I think anyone who knows me would agree when I say that this episode was completely uncalled for. Yesterday morning as I was finishing off my tea, before getting dressed to go to work, my tummy just… didn’t feel right. No pain, nothing. As I got up and the dizziness hit that’s when I thought, “It couldn’t possibly be an attack 설마… ” Feeling optimistic, I went to the toilet determined not to alarm my parents by saying anything just yet. Just yet lasted about 2 minutes after which it was the flushing, sweating and insane cramping with my mum rubbing my back with a fan to my face. Despite having taking my medicine the minute I figured out this would be a full-blown attack, the cramps were so bad I ended up emptying the contents of my tummy into the bin, tea, medicine et al. If there’s one thing to be grateful for in this entire episode, though, it’s two… The fact that I had the attack before I left for work and that my mum was with me (I’d really rather not do a fainting spell all on my own thank you).
Since my tummy’s erratic behaviour all through December and January, I ended up losing 5 kilos, back at the doctor with a food intolerance test result that tells me pretty much what I already know. You would think after being super careful all through February and March, April would not start off so horribly wrong. Not only have I not managed to put back all my weight but it’s now my first sick leave at the new job. How long before you have to break it to your colleagues that your tummy is really not in your control or anyone else’s for that matter, despite your best attempts. I’m tired of having this conversation. It’s really not small talk material.
The icing on the cake, really, after having been in so much pain and the countless trips to the toilet (I deserve frequent flier miles for this) was that today I had to get out of bed, go to the hospital and get a sick leave certificate which they wouldn’t give because I hadn’t come to seem them yesterday… you know when I was busy being sick multiple times and in no condition to leave the house since my car isn’t futuristic enough to drive itself or have a portable potty. And then the doctor tells me three things:
1. You have to learn to manage – Work in progress for the last 10 years so please don’t say that to me ever again. You don’t know what not managing looks like. You should be congratulating me for making it 2 months incident free.
2. Drink cold milk in the morning – Not really the wisest thing to say to someone with a dairy intolerance. You could have just asked or rather should have asked.
3. It’s in your head – You may be a very good doctor but telling someone with a disease that it’s all in their head is, I’m pretty sure, not what you’re supposed to be saying. It’s not in my head, it’s in my bowels. Hence, the name Irritable Bowel Syndrome, not Irritable Brain Syndrome which after this visit I think I may also have because I am admittedly pretty annoyed, in case you haven’t noticed. Just because you haven’t yet found a cure doesn’t make it less of a disease.
- Irritatingly Yours